If you love Why Would You Do That but find yourself thinking, “you know, Jessica and Tricia don’t spend enough time complaining and validating each other’s inability to adjust to the world they live in” YOU’RE IN LUCK! A couple short months ago, we decided to record an episode devoted entirely to our grocery store anxiety and, naturally, turned it into a situational anxiety free for all so we still have a lot of work to do in terms of getting GSD (Grocery Store Anxiety) to be recognized as an Actual Thing. A grant would really help us with that, gentle listeners. Additionally, if you happen to have been wondering what our opinion of The Office was but were afraid to ask us, you’re in luck there, too!
Anyway, here’s a mockup of the reusable and also disposable shopping bag that we talked about selling to correspond to the release of this Very Special Report, but even we’re not stupid enough to make merch for an unpopular podcast.
This is art. In case you were wondering.
We are thrilled to be joined in studio this week by our intern and spiritual leader, Glormfloulk!
Glormfloulk’s favorite class at Paramedic School is Intermediate Cartooning
In the seventh episode, we teach you the secret to be a good listener, Jessica recounts her glory days as a child athlete, and Tricia gives you a taste of her soon-to-be-bestselling book, The Post Apocalyptic Diet.
Additionally, we are are pleased to be accompanied this time around by ghost bongos. Please do not question the ghost bongos you hear in the background. They definitely have nothing to do with us poorly executing a new recording strategy.
A couple intern applications, because we believe in transparency:
How to have fun at a music festival:
Half of not-a-poppy:
The good news is that subscribing to Why Would You Do That? is now easier than ever! The bad news is that subscribing to Why Would You Do That? is now easier than ever. The repercussions of this development are difficult to predict, but expect mild itchiness and a lingering, non-specific sense of panic.
You may now subscribe to the podcast via iTunes (unfortunately, the image of a man’s bare butt is no longer the only search return for “why would you do that” on iTunes)!
Additionally, if you want to really stick it to Big iTunes, we are available via Stitcher Radio. Stitcher allows you to easily stream podcasts on your phone, computer, cat (maybe?) or whatever. I personally prefer this because I don’t advocate keeping actual mp3s with my voice anywhere on your devices for I am fairly certain this could allow you to perform some form of “black magic” on me.
And, of course, Why Would You Do That? will always be available by request via personal email, parcel post, or homing pigeon.
Hey, so you can finally subscribe to our podcast!!! Whoaaa! Click here for iTunes, and hopefully it will be available on other platforms soon!!!
Or, like, if you’re a crazy tech wizard and you have other ideas for what to do with our podcast feed, have at it? We want absolutely no ownership of our intellectual property and don’t care how it is used. Please, take it off our hands. Here’s the feed URL: http://whywouldyoupodcast.com/wwydtfeed.XML
The fact that Jessica’s cat resembles Winston Churchill is not covered in this episode, and we’re sorry about that.
In the sixth episode of Why Would You Do That?, we get you up to speed on the news from two months ago, Jessica fights for progress in her community via her gyms’ Facebook pages, and Tricia hints that you should tell her that she’s beautiful in spite of her adult acne next time you see her. Or just Tweet it at her. Actually, wait, that sounds awful. Just act like she doesn’t have a face. She’d like that a lot.
I see no real purpose to acting like the fact that it now takes us about two months to put up a new episode should come as any surprise.
But just so you know, we totally meant to get one up like, a long time ago!
Here is a picture from when we tried to record this episode on Christmas Day:
It took us about five hours and we ultimately scrapped that entire recording session because there was no usable footage. And then I went to LA to vacation in the void!!!!
The main purpose of me going to California was to feel utterly defeated by the passage of time, and MISSION ACCOMPLISHED! For visualization, refer to this Before & After of 2006 Jessica at the Elliott Smith mural and 2013 Jessica at the Elliott Smith mural.
In the fifth episode. Tricia brags about how her cat is super obsessed with her, Jessica shares a guaranteed-to-make-you-millions investment opportunity you should hop on right now, and we discuss the pros and cons of people actually listening to the things we say.
Was anyone else as excited as I was about the prospect of the world conveniently coming to an end? I don’t know anything about prophesies, and I never actually bothered researching this or any other apocalypse theory, but whenever I hear that the world might end I can’t help but get caught up in the spirit of end of times. I don’t actually change my routine in any way, but a part of me becomes giddy in anticipation of the validation of my meaningless existence that would come from a meaningless end to everything, simultaneously, in what I hope would be at least a colorful display.
While I am not as adept at playlist making as Tricia — who I recall recounting a story of successfully turning in mix-CDs for at least one high school assignment — I do have a Spotify Premium account and a job that allows me the freedom to listen to “grave wave” as much as I like. Therefore, to celebrate the idea of the end of everything we know as reality, I decided to attempt to make a playlist to listen to while feeling screwed by yet another unfruitful destruction prophesy. You can listen to it here:
The Apoopalypse Playlist
Since Tricia showed off her rightfully abandoned ukelele, I will additionally include a SNEAK PEEK of the future cover of my upcoming album of cat pop songs.
In truth, my cats play all the instruments and the vocals are just auto-tuned and rearranged conversations I surreptitiously record from strangers at Starbucks; HOWEVER, you can expect the album to be the best thing released in 2016.
In the fourth episode, we reveal to you that the thing that’s bad about getting murdered is not actually the fact that you got murdered, confirm what you already knew deep in your heart: skincare routines (much like nutrition and public transit) are best left to guesswork, and prove (with the help of relatable real world examples like Netflix and more murder) the point that kindness is simply a matter of adjusting your level of cruelty.
I wasn’t sure what “relevant” photo to include, so here’s an Instagram of Jessica shoveling shit, which is about as relevant as anything gets.
P.S. I think my rap-rock timeline might be off by a few years, but I’m sure you’ll all forgive me for that because nothing in this world could matter less.
If you love Why Would You Do That? but wish that after three episodes, we were doing more to expand our anti-lifestyle brand, you’re in luck!
Introducing the Why Would You Do That? playlist – featuring songs about depression, self-pity, discomfort in social situations, and occasional ambition and/or overblown confidence. You can listen/subscribe on Spotify here. I will probably continue to add to it since I prefer doing that over other things.
Though I am staunchly opposed to the idea of having a career, I think I’d be ok with it if my career were Personal Brand DJ. I could spend all day creating playlists for people to help them project a marketable version of themselves to the world. Well, maybe not marketable, exactly, but I can definitely help you create an identity through the music you listen to in lieu of a strong sense of self!
Anyway, since this is a music-y post, here is a picture of me NOT PLAYING my ukulele. I used to play ukulele (briefly in a twee folk band, and I can’t even tell you how sorry I am for that, world), but then I found out that Jessica is offended by anyone playing ukulele, so I don’t do it anymore. I just hold my ukulele with a “hey, how did this get here?” face.